I have several purposes in writing this newsletter! 1) To pass on to you the latest research in the fields of psychology and relational neuroscience which bear on how couples can better connect, heal, communicate, and do conflict. 2) To remind each of us who are in partnerships of ways to be aware of how, on a daily basis, we can be influencing the course of our relationships. 3) To recommend books and resources that are helpful in this journey most of us are on of maintaining good relationships with ourselves AND our partner (at the same time!)

I was moved the other day to begin this newsletter when I heard a client say, "Now here she goes again!" We were working to understand that painful and intense negative pattern that so many couples get into - you know that one that leaves you both wondering how you got HERE again, and how you ended up feeling bad in the same ways AGAIN!! This question is at the heart of my work with couples.

Doing a relationship well is like a spiritual practice or like learning to ride a bike - until you have your balance you need to bring your full attention over and over again to the task at hand; this is a way of being mindful, something I'll go into more fully next month. Once you can ride well you can then ride a bike AND look around you (or talk, or ride with no hands) at the same time. I'm hoping what I share in these newsletters will help you remember (or learn more about) the kinds of things that keep you and your partner balanced!